How to Help

So, you want to make a difference?
You are to be applauded for wanting to help others!

On this part of the website, we will discuss some strategies for helping others in the midst of challenging times. As you see by the links above, there are different ways to help “at Home,” with a “Loved One,” “At School/Church,” “At Work,” “Locally,” “Nationally.” When there is a breaking story of national significance, we will post information under our “Breaking News” section.

On these pages we will include resources that you can contact for more information to help you with various situations. We will cover information on some of the most common hot topics regarding relationships, issues, protocols, crises, etc. in the various settings. We will be continually adding and updating the information, so check back often. On this page we want to discuss some important aspects in order for you to be able to more effectively help others. In order to help effectively, you need to know a lot about yourself. Know what you’re good at. Know your areas of expertise. Know your weaknesses. Know what triggers you. Also, to be able to keep helping we need to know how to take care of ourselves.

Thanks for caring enough to make a difference!

Know Yourself
Our Passions

Think through what you are passionate about. What makes you tick? Some people are passionate about children, while others are about the elderly. Some people have a heart for animals, while others are passionate about the environment. I believe that God gives us each a passion for how He wants to impact the world through us. With that passion, I believe He also uniquely equips us with natural talents and abilities for what we need to help in that area of passion. I also believe He gives us spiritual gifts to improve our effectiveness in that area. Then I believe it is our responsibility to develop those gifts and talents to the best of our ability through training and study and practice, so we can become the most effective in reaching out and helping in that area of passion.

For example, one of my passions is helping young people. When I was in first grade I decided that I wanted to be a teacher becasue of the impact my teacher had on me. Through the years I really paid attention to what I liked the most about my teachers. I went to college to get a teaching degree. I volunteered with helping kids at summer camps, at church, and in the community. I was a part-time youth director for 10 years while I was teaching. I worked with non-profit youth organizations. I became a school counselor after teaching for about 15 years becasue I knew I could help even more young people as a counselor. I’ve invested my life in helping young people. I have had such a rich and fulfilling life in working with kids for over 30 years! I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

We need to make sure we’re getting involved with things we are passionate about. I’ve mistakenly gotten involved in too many activities at times — great causes, but things besides my areas of passion — which sapped my energy to be the most effective as possible. So I’m learning to only be involved in efforts where I am the best qualified. Watch out, when you’ve proven to be a good worker, you will be asked by others to do many things. Pick and choose wisely. Ask God which ones He’s equipped you for.
Areas to Avoid
Our Weaknesses/Triggers

We need to get to know what our areas of weakness are so we can avoid getting involved in things we shouldn’t, or else we can see some fireworks of a different kind that we don’t like. And we need to know what our strengths are because they can influence our relationships also. For example, if you are a perfectionist and you are put in a leadership position, you may get frustrated with others who don’t do something as “perfectly” as you would. Or if in that leadership position, you are great with seing the big picture, you may struggle with the details of the project or follow-up. We can learn so much about ourselves just by thinking of our interactions with others. What bugs you about someone else? What do you like about your best friend? Those things say more about us than we realize. Then we can learn what we need to do to compensate for our weaknesses.

We also need to be aware of what our triggers are. Triggers are things that when we are faced with them, there is an instant and automatic response within us. That co-worker in a project that you are having a lot of problems with can be triggering something in you. Maybe their personality reminds you of someone you once had problems with. Maybe their personality is the opposite of yours — maybe you are an A-type personality and that person is more laid back and it drives you crazy that they are not keeping as fast of a pace as you.

Also issues in our family of origin (the one we grew up in) can trigger all kinds of things in us as adults. If there was abuse or addictions in the home, those afteraffects from those can rear their ugly heads in so many ways the rest of our lives. If there was conflict between your parents, that could affect your current relationships. In the case of triggers, sometimes we need to get counseling from a professional to explore the origin of the triggers, all the ways they are impacting us, and ways to heal those places in our lives.

How Are You Doing?
Take Care of Yourself!

The biggest thing I’ve learned about helping others is that I need to take care of myself or I will be of no help to anyone else! I am still learning how to do that right. As a counselor I’ve heard everything there is to say about all this through my experiences with the tragedy at Columbine High School and four suicides at my school in eight months. What I’ve learned is that when I don’t have big chunks of time to do things to replenish my reserves, I need to do smaller scale things as often as possible. How about you?

What are some things that mean a lot to you? What “refills your tank” as they say? For some people it’s calling a friend, reading a book, going for a walk, taking a bubble bath, eating ice cream, and the list could go on and on. We really need to think about this and it may even be a good idea to make 3 lists — “On the Run,” “Brief (5-10 minutes),” and “Leisure.” For “On the Run” ideas, think of what you can do while you’re in the car — play music, play a tape/CD, recite scripture or sayings, get as refreshing drink at a drive-thru, etc. On your “Brief” list you could list things such as: walk around the building or block, make a quick call to a friend, stop and see an encouraging co-worker, go outside and sit for 5 minutes, pray/meditate, sing your favorite song, look in a file where you keep things that people have sent you or notes given to you that were encouraging, etc. On your “Leisure” list put things on it that you can do when you have some free time like — take a hike, go to lunch with a friend or mentor, read a book, watch a movie, play a game, spend some quality time with the people you love, etc.

I once heard Dina Robke, a therapist, say that in helping others we need to remember what the airline attendants say, “If the cabin pressure drops, please put on your own oxygen mask first. Only then will you be able to help the person next to you.” We need to take care of ourselves so we can continue to be available to help others!